Friday, October 30, 2015

The Blame Essay

If you live around Europe.....as a non-local....you come to find this odd feature of life here.....called blame distribution.  Well, that's my title for it.

What you learn is that when you have a problem.....you need to blame it on someone or some group, or some mythical thing.

For example....if you live in Italy....you learn to recognize blame-it-on-the-Mafia, blame-it-on-the-Catholic Church, blame-it-on-Berlusconi, blame-it-on-capitalism, blame-it-on-the-Romans, or blame-it-on-socialism.

If you live in France, you learn to recognize blame-it-on-the-revolution, blame-it-on-capitalists, blame-it-on-de Gaulle, blame-it-on-Chirac, blame-it-on-Sarkozy, blame-it-on-Hollande, blame-it-on-socialism, blame-it-on-sex, blame-it-on-Paris, blame-it-on-Muslims, blame-it-on-LePen (dad or daughter, take your pick), or blame-it-on-French culture.

If you live in Britain, you learn to recognize blame-it-on-the Queen, blame-it-on-the Tories, blame-it-on-John Major, blame-it-on-filthy capitalism, blame-it-on-the BBC, blame-it-on-uncontrollable sex, blame-it-on-the Tudors (it's a fictional series for the most part), blame-it-on-Brit humor, blame-it-on-the Normans (they did invade the isle), blame-it-on-the Irish, blame-it-on-Prince Charles, blame-it-on-the Beatles, blame-it-on-Boy George, blame-it-on-the Scots and their independence chit-chat, blame-it-on-London, or blame-it-on-ale (being drunk helps to facilitate blame).

If you live in the Netherlands, you learn to recognize blame-it-on-marijuana usage, blame-it-on-LSD or Heroin, blame-it-on-the North Sea, blame-it-on-tall blonde Amazon-like Dutch women, or blame-it-on-flip-flopping political figures appearing every ten years.

If you live in Greece, you learn to recognize blame-it-on-Homer and his legendary stories, blame-it-on-the Nazis and Germans (three times over), blame-it-on-stupid political figures, blame-it-on-the Turks, blame-on-hot lusty Greek women, blame-it-on-taxation, blame-it-on tax avoidance, blame-it-on-alcohol consumption, blame-it-on-communists, blame-it-on-the Albanians, blame-it-on-tourism, blame-it-on-the banks, blame-it-on-the EU, blame-it-on rich people, blame-it-on-Zeus or the cave of Zeus, blame-it-on Hercules, blame-it-on Socrates and Aristotle for making the world think that Greeks were all brilliant, blame-it-on volcanic eruptions, or blame-it-on Greek food which is so good, that it makes you fat.

If you live in Germany, you learn to recognize blame-it-on-the NSA, blame-it-on-Reagan, blame-it-on-Bush, blame-it-on-the Americans in WW II or WW I, blame-it-on-Facebook or Google, blame-it-on-corruption, blame-it-on-the Bavarians, blame-it-on-the Nazis, blame-it-on-Chancellor Merkel, blame-it-on-Hitler, blame-it-on-the Jews, blame-it-on-pure socialism, blame-it-on-lack of pure socialism, blame-it-on-taxes, blame-it-on-Muslims, blame-it-on-an unhealthy diet, blame-it-on-a-lack-of doctors, blame-it-on-the Berlin leadership, blame-it-on-beer consumption, blame-it-on-too much speed on the autobahns, blame-it-on-too much sex, blame-it-on-too little sex, blame-it-on-the immigrants or refugees or asylum seekers, blame-it-on-naive state-run news media cheer-leaders, blame-it-on-polite German cops, blame-it-on-radicals, blame-it-on-lack of radicals, blame-it-on-kinky sex, blame-it-on-the banks, blame-it-on-the-capitalists, blame-it-on-the-healthcare industry, blame-it-on climate change, blame-it-on-too much money in the hands of the rich, blame-it-on-too little money in the hands of welfare class, blame-it-on-fake reality TV shows which people think are real, blame-it-on-the southern Europeans who are mostly here to rob you (as you are told), blame-it-on-intellectual journalists who never seem to run out of problems to worry about, or blame-it-on-German mad scientists.

If it sounds like Germans play the blame game a good bit....well...one might interpret it that way.  But, you know....it's a complicated world that we live in and just finding some marginal happiness or enjoyment in life....doesn't measure up to blaming someone for your ills or loss of character.

So, when you are sitting at the pub, and this discussion starts up, and there's some hint of a necessity to assign blame.....play along.  Maybe you can actually convince this guy into blaming something just on fate itself.

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