Friday, April 29, 2016

Ten Bits of Advice to a German on a Trump Presidency

Note, I'm not a Trump-enthusiast....but I do live in a stage of reality.  This is not advice for an American.  It's more so designed for naive or intellectually-poor Germans in need of support or help to understand matters.

1.  You don't need to award President Trump the Nobel Peace Prize in the first or second year.  In fact, I'd wait til year eight so that you actually have some accomplishments written down on paper instead of "the guy who follows G W Bush".

2.  Don't jump and get all freaky when Trump nudges the US as a part-time player in NATO and shuts down most of the European bases or posts.  You've had your intellectual crowd for a decade or more talking of the non-threat status of Europe and the unfairness of the US military.  If you do feel some type of threat from Russia....just up your contribution to defense (double and triple what it is now) and convince all your neighbors of doing the same thing.  And people ask why less Euro go to social programs.....just be honest and admit that you were always betting on the US paying for this silly defense stuff.

3.  Don't act all shocked when President Donald actually talks business and economics at college level forums....instead of the third-grade economic chatter that you got used to with President Bush or President Obama.  Let's be honest, you don't hire morons or idiots to work on your 60,000 Euro  BMW.....you want smart people.  That's what happened when the votes went toward Trump.

4.  When some brilliant German intellectual utters the thought that 'America first' is crazy and detracts from a bold new world......would the expression 'America sixth' be a better fit?  Or perhaps 'America eighth'?  Or America sixteenth?  Let's be honest, it's just a two-word combination that some voters can focus on and agree with....nothing fancy.  It's not like you were importing 500,000 refugees into your country and couldn't think of a catchy phrase that would unite eighty-one million Germans behind the awesome challenge ahead, and just fail miserably on a catchy phrase.

5.  Be honest with yourself.  Has any American President ever changed much in your neighborhood, town, village, German state, or the nation of Germany itself?  Beyond Reagan's crazy 'tear-down-this-wall' speech and President Truman's Berlin-airlift strategy, David Hasselhof's Looking For Freedom song in 1989, and the scripting for Game of Thrones coming from a US writer.....is there anything that really matters to the average German on a Friday afternoon?  Be honest.....don't let the intellectual dope you up with fake agenda stuff.  You'd just be happy if Bundestag could fix the pension retirement program (after twenty-odd attempts), the TV-media tax would go away, and integration program for foreigners worked as well as the Einstein-government-people often talk or discuss.

6.  On these various chat forums where Hitler and Trump get mentioned and you get some hype on comparing the two....does your knowledge level go beyond one single 3x5 inch card of information on achievement or evilness of Hitler?  Describe the Weimar Republic and why politics failed so miserably to entice people in this direction.  If America had all this fantastic and upbeat leadership for the past eight years as some German intellectuals proclaim.....then nothing makes sense of the chat forum talk.

7.  No German should have to worry about PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon) being forced onto the German market because of President Trump.  Nor should you worry about some American push to bring transgender bathrooms to Germany.  Nor should you worry about Starbucks squashing traditional premium coffee in Germany.  Nor should you worry about Trump bringing in the Kardashian Family as a joint-ambassador deal to Berlin with their sleazy attire, public fakeness, or new reality ambassador TV show.  Trump is not that crazy.  (I do admit, it is enticing to suggest bringing the Kardashians into Berlin).

8.  Be honest to yourself....it's really the British that you hate and loath in ninety-nine different ways. Trump will always be behind the British.

9.  When some German intellectual brings up the "Trump politics of fear" talk.....ask yourself what exactly you've been getting for the past twenty-odd years via the Sunday night political talk show after Tatort on state-run Channel One (ARD)?  The Merkel politics of fear?  The Schroeder politics of fear?  The Kohl politics of fear?  The Putin politics of fear?  The immigrants politics of fear?  The French politics of fear?  It's a catchy phase, I admit.

10.  So to the final bit of advice.  Just settle back in your seat for a moment, and imagine all of this as being just one big show, and the season shifted a bit with new participants or actors in the key roles.  In four years or eight years....it'll flip again, and your addiction to the show will continue on.  Maybe if the US could just find some iconic PhD chemistry/physics professor who was the daughter of some church minister whose chief leadership quality was "Merklen" (a German kid's phrase for someone who talks alot but doesn't make decisions) and was a former socialist.....we'd be doing OK.  This is the best that Americans could do.

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