A Word of Advice

This is my top ten list of German things to avoid wasting time or money on....with no real priority.

German cuckoo clocks. Frankly, it's a fair amount of money you pay...for a clock that ends up as a wall dust collector. Accuracy? Well...you will continually have to adjust it as each year goes by. It's hard to find any German family in existence today...that has a clock. Folks with a full-up den and library....might have one...as a show piece....but that's about it. For $1k to $2k....which is what they typically want....it is a questionable purchase. And if you do buy it....keep the box for shipping later.

Roman coins. I worked with people at Bitburg...that got into this collection business. Roman coins are found up there a good bit and the locals make a business out of selling these. The curious thing is that you could end up with a fake....which I knew a guy who paid $300 for a coin....which later turned out to be a fake.

German or Russian war medals. Ok, this is what you must realize....that guy at the flea market with a "real" iron cross for $150....is selling a fake medal. The same way for the Russian medals that he keeps under the table. For the most part, you tend to end up with fakes.

Russian military uniforms. There was this glory period in the 1970s...when collectors would show up at flea markets with Soviet uniforms and American GI's would pay $100 for a uniform. Some are real....and some were simply made in a garage operation for less than $10, which aren't authentic uniforms. I knew a guy once that paid $200 for a Soviet officer's 'bus drivers hat'. I asked him how he knew it was authentic....and he just looked at me (don't spoil the moment).

Significant paintings. You can walk across a BX area here in Germany....and always find a painting sales guy...who has a wonderful painting of some Bavarian valley scene....for $300. That's about as authentic as you can get. When you get invited to a wine tasting episode....and the painting guy starts to show you 'treasured paintings'...from the 1930s....for $2k....the odds are they are fake.

Nazi copies of Hitler's Mein Kampf. There are copies around for sale. You can go to EBay and find them. Typically....the real authentic copies from the 1930s....go for a substantial amount of money. When you have a guy standing in front of you.....offering to part with his copy for $500....it's likely fake.

Lederhosen. Ok, so when you travel to Bavaria, and here are these silly guys standing there in leather pants that end halfway to the ankle....and have fancy embroidery on them....this is lederhosen. If you go to a professional shop, you end up paying around $300 for a top notch pair of the paints. They are all authentic, but the truth is...where the hell are you going to wear these later in life? Ninety percent of all German men...DO NOT own a pair. That should say something about wasting money on a piece of clothing you might never wear.

Beer Machen outfits. This is the typical garb of a beer hostess down at the Octoberfest. You could go cheap and get something for around $150....but a real outfit will run $400. First, if you got boobs....it's designed to maximize the view. If you don't have boobs....it's not for you. Frankly ladies, you tend to look silly and unless you have some weird uniform fetish for the bedroom....it's best to skip this outfit. However, if your guy is into this...use the five-inch heels to accent the outfit but don't be carrying around eight beer steins while wearing the heels.

Beer Steins. There are two basic types of beer stein. The one you regularly would drink from...and the one that sits on some shelf which acts as some show-piece. The show-piece one....often costing $100 to $400...is worthless (my own humble opinion). The one you drink from....is actually used and worth twice its weight in gold.

Christmas cake. For the months of November and December....you can walk around through a German grocery or bakery and buy stollen. This is a cake of sorts....often chewy...that is loaded with calories. The bakeries typically make it in October and ship it out in a sealed package. For some odd reason, its stays fresh for three months. The typical problem is that they sell you a huge cake....and you barely eat half...and then it gets rock hard. It's not a four-star cake...by any means...and you must drink coffee with it.

I hope I didn't upset any of you...but after fifteen years here...you come to realize the tourist trend of buying stuff...without real value or questionable value.