This is a blog that might draw debate and analysis. I don't write to be agreeable or disagreeable with people. I tend to write....to suggest that minds be open and ponder. In this case....what would life be like with an Enterprise run by a German Captain Kirk?
Well.....Captain Kirk would have various rule books to draw decisions upon. No decision would be done off the cuff, or just as a bluff to some Romulan evil princess who is about to destroy all of society. If X happens....the rule book would dictate what Kirk does. No discussions.
Captain Kirk would have a calendar on his desk to note all of the leave periods of his various members. Such and such ensign would demand two weeks in the summer and two weeks in the fall. Sulu would be demanding four weeks at a time. At least an hour out of the month would be demanded to sit and argue with people over why sixteen percent of the crew choose the same week in March, and forty-nine percent chose the same week in July.
Captain Kirk would only operate the Enterprise at maximum capacity if Scotty signed the certificate that it was worthy of such status. The 'give-her-all-you-got' order would be non-existent.
Captain Kirk would only allow Bahn-approved toilet paper on the ship, and it'd be one of the top ten things that crew members would whine about.
Captain Kirk would only have proceeded to be recognized as Captain...after receiving his PhD from some highly recognized German university, and if he were a Ohio State graduate....he'd never rise about ensign.
Captain Kirk would be continually worried that some BILD reporter or Stern journalist would write up a critical news article on him or his ship. There's be continual efforts to sneak a Frankfurt newspaper reporter onboard....to get the good stuff on how bad the ship efficiently operates.
Captain Kirk would not accept any non-German beers on board....saying they were impure, and not of satisfactory quality.
Captain Kirk's crew would continually question the menu of the ship.....demanding more vegan meals and bio-type vegetables.
Captain Kirk's ship....the Enterprise....would be inspected every two years by TUV....and usually fail the initial inspection. Scotty would reeve up the numbers.....turn off some filter systems....and fake enough to get the TUV guy to pass the ship.
Captain Kirk would endorse and emphasis ISO 9000 standards. Every deck, every hallway, every cabinet, and every storage locker....would be noted with contents, flow charts, and descriptions. At least sixteen members of the crew would be audit members....working twelve-hour days to ensure they met standards.
Captain Kirk would allow fasching to occur, to only awaken hours later to find the entire ship in disarray from the festive occasion, numerous members too drunk to fight the evil of the galaxy, and too many fake uniforms being noted around the ship.
Captain Kirk would allow promi dinner episodes on board the Enterprise....to discover that Spock actually was a lousy cook, and McCoy tended to use mostly cheap booze in every single dish.
Captain Kirk would allow three hundred tons of statues on the ship, to meet Star Fleet's standard on intellectual art displays. Most would be naked women on horseback, which usually drew interest from the Romulans as they visited.
Captain Kirk would allow a sexually diverse crew....which meant a bondage bar on the sixth level, a freaky sex shop on level four, and a lesbian cowboy bar on level sixteen (where Scotty would dress as a gal just to get in and sip booze quietly).
Captain Kirk would occasionally go off to some jungle camp in Australia....as part of some promi event for Star Fleet, and do stupid things for eight days until he got voted off the resort camp.
Finally, Captain Kirk would rebuild the Enterprise bigger, stronger, and bolder....after each destruction episode. Which he'd typically respond when questioned about the terrible waste of state and Star Fleet funding.....that which cannot kill you....can only make you stronger.
2 comments:
I always thought Kirk was portrayed as an American and Spock as a German in the original series. The way I look at it takes all kinds.
I think the writers started with Spock as a German-like guy. I think they did the same thing with the Borg (Borg village is an actual town in far western Germany anyway). But you can note....Kirk had to be some guy who dumped the rules when necessary to save the universe, and that's the American style of leadership.
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