The All Cultures Are Compatible Essay

If you watch enough German public-TV-run chat forums, you will reached a moment of ecstasy where you almost think for a moment that all cultures are compatible.  You can refer to this moment as a multi-culty moment.....a diversity stage.....an intellectual flash....or a multi-ethnic occasion.

Then at some stage....you stop the intellectual guy talking and ask him if he minds if you light up....meaning smoking within his presence or within a room.  At this point, he will seem distressed and try to encourage you to quit smoking....that'd be better for your health and no, you can't smoke in his presence.

Then at some stage....you stop the same intellectual guy talking and ask if he minds that you down four shots of Scottish whisky and rattle off a Scottish ballad on whores and wicked women.  At this point, he will seem distressed and try to encourage to lessen your drinking and avoid ballad of any type because they all are a bit risque or naughty.

Then at some stage.....you ask if everyone in the chat forum will stop for a moment while you pray to your Roman demigod or demon to help you over a moment of stress.  At this point, he will seem distressed and try to encourage you to lessen your prayers to demons because it'll confuse or scare other people at the chat forum.

Then at some stage.....you remove your shirt and expose your manly chest hairs to the chat forum members....noting that your culture respects fat chubby guys who don't wear shirts.  At this point, your host will be a bit distressed and encourage you to put your shirt back on.....for the sake of women on the panel.

Then at some stage....you pull out some good Spanish-grown marijuana....offering a bit to the chat forum people.....before lighting up a joint for yourself.  At this point, your chat host will be a bit distressed and encourage you to put the joint out, because others on the panel are anti-weed.

After a while, you will reach a stage where you realize that all cultures simply aren't compatible.  They never were.

It's nice to talk about such things, and keep some fantasy alive that cultures could be compatible...but it's like believing in Unicorns, fairy tales, and dragons.

Life isn't a compatibility game.   If it were.....we'd all be singing Scottish ballads, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon from the bottle, and be Grand Prix racing freaks.