This is my list of ten things that you ought respect or grasp about German bars in general (remember, I'm an American):
1. Quiet, small-town German bars tend to be a place where you walk in and observe three tables occupied by four older guys each....playing cards....and mostly hiding out from their wives. They tend to drink beer only. The only background noise might be a TV on with a soccer game underway. Two or three women will be in the corner....mostly discussing gossip, failed marriages, or personal problems.
2. Most German pubs will offer six to ten variations of beer, with one being non-alcoholic. The most popular brand you will come across is Bitburger (a marginal two-star beer on my scale). Beer from the tap always seems to come across with a better taste (at least I think so). Newer establishments will offer wine. Straight shots of Bourbon and whiskey are always possible. Cocktails? Most German bartenders will just look at you and ask if you know where you are.
3. Most German bars don't sell food. If they do sell food...you need to be suspicious. And if you find a place that does great food and great beer....you need to stick with them.
4. If you had some high quality standards with toilets and sanitary conditions....well, don't go overboard with German pubs. The owner probably puts a mop to the floor weekly....ensures paper towels are in the machine, and hopefully has some liquid soap to dispense.
5. The old guys will tell you of the dozens of pubs and gasthauses that used to exist in their local area, and today they've all dwindled down to five or six. Part of this is due to stronger DWI-laws, and part is due to guys fixing up their patio or basement 'men-cave' for off-time. Some of this also revolves around men changing their drinking habits and sipping less beer (more wine).
6. Picking up on women at a German bar? No. The older guys, if you bring up this topic....will just start laughing.
7. Beer gardens? A decent German pub will have an area set up around the back, or maybe in the front of the building for spring and summer beer consumption. If the waitress is attentive and does check occasionally on empty steins, you need to remember that on the tip-business. In the heat of the day? My advice is that you need to order a bottle of water to hydrate yourself prior to the beer consumption. The worst thing to do on a hot day is to consumer vast quantities of German beer while thirsty.
8. Unlike Irish pubs where strangers enter and want to tell you their life story....Germans don't get very chatty with strangers. You need to accept that. On the list of topics to avoid with a German? American politics, Bush, Trump, WW II movies, Hitler, and anything British.
9. Pool tables? If you walk into a hundred small-town pubs in Germany....I'd take a guess that fewer than four will have pool tables. It's just not something that goes hand-in-hand with German beer drinking.
10. Older German pub establishments will still have a slot machine around in the back of the place. Over the past twenty years, I'd take a guess that most pubs have terminated the slot machine gimmick. If you stand and play a hundred Euro over two hours....you can be fairly assured to walk out with nothing in your hand.
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