1. When you walk out of the house.....have a fifty-Euro-cent piece somewhere on you....for the 'cost' of public bathrooms. Also, remember that since the 1980s...around 50-percent of all public toilets have been closed off.
2. Have the Bahn railway app on your phone, and be prepared for a plan 'B'. Note that when they say the car has Air Conditioning...it's built for a temperature up to 34 C (93 F). Beyond that....the AC is crap.
3. In any highly urbanized landscape....be vigilant. In the middle of Frankfurt, Berlin or Hamburg....trouble always lurks.
4. If anyone presents themselves as a policeman in plain clothing (even with a badge)....be skeptical of who they present themselves. Be respectful but doubtful.
5. At any car accident situation....don't take your cellphone out to take pictures.
6. The most expensive gas, beer, and snacks...will always be at a autobahn stop.
7. Germans will often present themselves as experts on things....so if they are lacking knowledge or presenting a false reality....don't say much of anything, it'll hurt their feelings.
8. At a pub, German beer typically comes in the .3-liter, the .5-liter and sometimes (rarely) the 1-liter. With the average .3-liter, you can probably consume one per hour (average weight) and avoid being drunk. If you've had two of the .5's? Walk home. Cops take this pretty serious if you drive while drunk. Also, there is this beer called 'Elephant Beer'....which is 7.2-percent alcohol. Don't get silly and think you can drink two of those in a 90-minute setting.
9. If you promise to arrive at x-time....don't show up late, unless you want a Q-and-A over why you were late.
10. German women often dress in outdated fashion, provocative styles, and odd form. It's best not to say anything positive or negative...try to avoid gazing. Some Germans may have sixteen different tattoo drawings on their body, and want you to ask about the significance of each.
11. If there is any hint of ice/snowfall....given a choice of going off in the car...avoid it. If traveling via train with heavy storm action predicted...have an idea of a hotel to stay at because of cancellations possible.
12. A number of city parks around major German cities have become drug 'empires'....so you might want to avoid them after dark. Also, don't be shocked if standing in a park, with some German nearby....amazed that they have thumbs and spending ten minutes admiring their thumbs, while under the influence of a drug.
13. Recycle. Recycle. Recycle. Don't get caught violating the general rules, or expect a lecture.
14. For every intellectual you might meet on the German street....there's a dozen non-intellectuals, and one idiot-intellectual (the guy who is continually wrong on everything). Learn to categorize the bunch, and avoid the idiot-intellectual as much as possible.
15. One out of every eight people you meet on the street in German....are a guest, or migrant. So if you (the non-German) feel out of place....don't worry, there's others like you.
16. Don't get drawn into discussions on aliens or UFOs or bigfoot. Germans are the least likely people on Earth to have any acceptance on these topics.
17. Unless you like hearing about your German friend's past dozen vacations....in great detail for two hours....don't bring up travel or trips.
18. If you scan the front page of BILD (the newspaper) for 3 minutes, you have enough knowledge to chat with any German on the top ten stories brewing in Germany for the day. Note: intellectuals in Germany don't read BILD or ever quote from it.
19. If a German wants to get 'friendly' with you....the key moment will be when you add each other to WhatsApp. Don't go expecting Twitter or Instagram, or META/FB entanglements.
20. If you don't quote ARD/ZDF (public TV networks), then you might be accused of fake news or being 'lateral-thinking'. Always watch public TV chat forums....to think the 'right way'.
21. The massive bulk of Germans don't invest and consider the stock market to be a fraud. So avoid discussions on the topic.
22. While it's questionable....probably one out of every twenty-five Germans will claim gourmet-cooking status....making a 3-course meal in 90 minutes out of raw ingredients. If invited to a situation like this...always praise the cook....to the point that they are getting misty-eyed. If they mentioned they used msg in the preparation....it's not gourmet and limit the misty-eyed comments.
23. If some German associate has invited you to a lunch with curry sauce in the mix....be aware that there are different levels of 'hot', and if the cook says it's REAL hot....skip it.
24. If engaged in a conversation with a German on privacy expectations....just accept the fact that their 'line-in-the-sand' is a lot more than the typical non-German. They don't even want Goggle-Earth to share the appearance of the backyard. They also don't want META to send them advertising which relates to past searches they may have done on the internet.
25. If you ask a German if they'd like a drink (soda or beer), and they respond with 'danke' (thanks in English).....that literally means 'no'. If they answer with the statement of 'bitte' (meaning please)....then yes, they'd like the drink.
26. Probably a quarter of society has a problem with open windows, and fresh air. 'Stiff' neck syndrome, body-ache syndrome.....take your pick. So if visiting and wanting fresh air....be ultra careful about asking if the window can be opened.
27. If visiting Munich during Oktoberfest....expect about half the crowd to be drunk, silly, wasted, and laughing over any marginal joke. About ten-percent of this group will wake up over by the 'hill' where the medical crews dump them off after assuring they aren't in mortal danger....remembering little to nothing of the past six hours.
28. Bottled water comes in several different versions. If you want just plain regular water....ask for still water.
29. Accept the fact that getting to an understanding on 'du' and 'sie' (the two versions of the word 'you')....might require a 30 minute lecture by a German.
30. Things in Germany run in an order. Don't question the order. Don't try to evolve the order. Don't think that science is involved in the order. Don't ask for simple explanations of the order. Just accept it.
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