Having spent a fair amount of time over the past month reviewing the news chatter of Russia invading (possibly) the Ukraine....I came to this odd question...why.
Usually, some terror act, or conquering feeling is the trigger.....or having one ethnic group angered over another ethnic group. In the Ukraine's case? None of the normal reasons prevail.
So I'm going to suggest a radical answer to the whole mess.
It's time to pull up a movie production crew, with a five-page script, and make a 90-minute movie over the next week call 'The Monkey War'.
It's the story of four drunk Ukrainians who've had a bit too much to drink, and drive a mile over the border into the Russian town of Kolotilovka (population of 310).
There in Kolotilovka, in the midst of a thunderstorm, they've come upon a traveling circus run by the Volkov brothers. In the 1990s, they ran a thriving and profitable operation. Today, it consists of six acts, and the key success is a monkey named Matvey (generally meaning 'gift of God').
Folks marvel at Matvey's tricks (almost 200 things that he's been trained to accomplished with his beautiful and lusty trainer Alina).
The drunk Ukrainian guys watch the whole show, and later in the darkness....they decide to kidnap the monkey and return to the Ukraine with him.
Alina goes ballastic, and gets some local Russian policeman involved, and the two get fairly beat-up in the Ukraine trying to locate Matvey.
The story gets to Putin, who goes into a rage, and alerts the Army for an invasion.
The President of the Ukraine is unable to get to the bottom of this military build-up at the border, and is continually on the phone to Biden....trying to get him to ramp up 'protection'. Biden keeps thinking 'protection' means condoms and keeps offering the Ukraine six pallets of Goujon (French-made) condoms....but Biden wants the Ukrainians to hire his son (Hunter) to supervise the arrival of the condoms.
The President of the Ukraine eventually gives up on US protection and tries to contact the Germans. This gets immediate attention, but the German ambassador wants to fly in.....put flowers at some WW II memorial, and beg for forgiveness for sins of Nazi WW II era crimes. The Ukrainian President tells her they can skip that and just get to the current problem. 'Fine' is the response, but the minute that weapons comes up....the German ambassador says this will take six months to get approval, and nothing can be approved unless environmental goals area established in the Ukraine.
The President of the Ukraine then tries to get France involved. They agree, and spend several days trying to talk to Putin....only to discover that Putin keeps referring to the 'stolen monkey', and they have no idea what this is about.
Then on the 22th of Feb, the 'stolen monkey' war starts, with CNN confirming that the war is about some secret Ukrainian project called 'stolen monkey' and at least sixteen experts are interviewed over a 8-hour period....each claiming to have integral understanding of 'stolen monkey'. One claims it's a ICBM under development....another claims it's a laser mounted on a satellite, and another claims it's a robot that the Russians built but the Ukrainians stole
The movie ends with a vast area on the far eastern part of the Ukrainian landscape taken by Russia, and four drunk guys laughing over the tricks of the circus monkey performing in the garage they run. Among the contingent of Americans deployed in neighboring countries....the chief mission is the design and look over the new medal that will be awarded.....regarded the 'stolen monkey' war, and some discussion about what to do with these six pallets they were ordered to hold and pass onto the Ukrainian army.....stamped 'Goujon condoms', and marked 'issued by President Biden for protection'.
Yes, we need a good comedy to build this into the war that has no real reasoning to it.
2 comments:
Putin is a Narcissist,a bully and an exhibitionist. He loves to see himself as Russia's last great hope. I tend to think nothing will come of this and I hope I'm right.
I had a professor from years ago...got into long Czar-Russia-USSR chat one night at the class. At the end of the 1800s, development was simply not coming to 95-percent of Russia...like you saw in France, UK, Germany, Italy. The general feeling was a giant nation of this size was no longer able to fit into the modernization that was going on. It needed to be broke up. The Czar failed, and whatever came in the 1920s/1930s/1940s...kept the nation as one and solidified it as a nation that could not find progress.
I watched a German documentary done in the past decade...some remote Russian 'village' of 150 people. The nearest civilization was about four hours away and they relied upon a once-a-week truck to bring in goods/mail for people. This wasn't 1950s...it was like 2010.
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